18 - If you could reboot or remake any movie, what would it be and who would you cast?
INDIANA JONES, INDIANA JONES, JOHN CHO FOR INDIANA JONES
Okay, let me back up, because I can’t remember if I’ve blogged about this before or if I just spammed robanybody with asks about it until she like, put together the fancast we were talking about because she’s amazing but. The thing is John Cho is actually already Indiana Jones? No, really. He is. Look in your heart under “Indiana Jones,” and you will find him there: John Cho. Wearing a tweed. Hating snakes. Raising his eyebrow at you. Under a hat. THE PERFECT INDIANA JONES. YOU’VE KNOWN IT ALL ALONG.
I’d want to do a complete reboot of the series, obviously, since I think “That Movie About Which We Do Not Speak But Which I’ve Taken To Thinking Of As ‘I Would Have Prefered Shia LeBeouf As An Actual Cannibal: The Film’” left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. And while nobody loves the original Indy movies more than me, I think I’d want it to be a conceptual reboot rather than a remake of those films, since like. Nobody is ever going to make a better “Raiders" than the "Raiders" that already exists. That game has long since been won.
Anyway, I think JOHN CHO FOR INDIANA JONES is an adjunct professor in the late 70s/80s in New York — NO, LOOK, I KNOW, BUT HEAR ME OUT. The thing is, the original Indy movies were a play on the serials of the 30s and 40s, and again, I FUCKING LOVE THEM SO MUCH, but I think it would be incredibly cool to set a reboot of the franchise during the time period in which the originals were actually made? And like. It was the last decade of the Cold War! So whatever mythological artifact Indy was after — because it’s an Indiana Jones movie, okay, so he’s racing to get to a mythological artifact before the ~enemy~ does, that’s just how it works — it could be Indy versus a colleague he’s known for years? And both of them think the political situation is untenable and incredibly stupid? But each of them suspects the other is working for the other side? But they’re not saying anything because they’re working together and they’re both planning to betray the other at the last minute but only if it becomes necessary? And they’ve got this intense love/hate relationship and neither one of them ever has the upper hand and sometimes they bang and then pretend like it didn’t happen? And neither of them is actually sure if their weird not-quite-animosity is really about their suspected political allegiances or just like. How they are as people? And this colleague’s name is Marion (Rutina Wesley)? I MEAN I’M JUST SPITBALLING HERE, um, obviously. I have never. Thought about this for hours. Or. Anything.
ALTHOUGH TBH I WOULD ALSO SUPER BE HERE FOR QUEER INDY, so maybe all of the above is still true but he’s also sleeping with Marcus Brody (Chiwetel Ejiofor) in like a, “We are bros who like to engage in the occasional sexual good time but we are not in love with each other, just two likeminded friends in a political and social climate that already ices us out wherever it can even without knowing that we sometimes get it on like Donkey Kong, LET’S MAKE WITH THE DIRTY ACADEMIC BANGING BUT ALSO HAVE FEELINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE,” sort of way.
Look what you should take away from this is JOHN CHO FOR INDIANA JONES, okay, I have too many feelings about this to talk about it intelligently, my ducks are not in a row. They’re not even all in the same pond, they’re all over the place, splashing wildly, making no sense. In conclusion: JOHN CHO FOR INDIANA JONES.
If you didn’t cry, then you have no soul.
The Wicked Bible,
In 1631 a printing shop accidentally printed the King James Bible with “Thou shalt commit adultry” in the Ten Commandments. 1,000 copies were printed before the error was recognized. The printers were fined a years wages for allowing the error to be printed, and copies of the Wicked Bible were ordered destroyed. Today only 11 copies are known to exist.
If you want to change something about yourself, whether it is your hair color, your makeup, or your nose, I support you. If you do not, then I support you in that. I urge you to do exactly what you want to do to make yourself feel beautiful. And I’m not talking about beauty according to magazine standards or Hollywood standards, but your standards.
Steve Rogers fights Brock Rumlow in the Captain America The Winter Soldier Extended Trailer